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NeS2 Post 1768
In NeS2 Post 1768 Septimus, Dave (bearded lady) and the others return to Stonehenge to find that Britticus and Cathia Imperator have vanished. The pair have actually gone underneath Stonehenge with Taliesin in NeS2 Post 1764 to Doughnutdelf. Britt stuffs his face with much baked goods, though he surprisingly dislikes the doughnuts, before exploring the city and discovers that the underground river is filled with tea instead of water. An Asian man reveals himself to be the Jade Emperor and that he has come to teach Britt how to use the tea within his tea veins. Although dubious he decides to do as the Jade Emperor asks and manages to awaken his tasseomancy powers. They are approached by a member of the Cult of X who asks them to their cult headquarters where they meet their seer, Aetas X. Aetas X reveals that they are all just Characters in a Story and that Plot is driving them forward. Septimus demonstrates his special power to draw objects, which then take a physical form, which he inherited from his mother, the goddess Minerva. Post Britt the Legend: Chapter Ten Britt the Legend: Chapter Ten At Stonghenge, Septimus, Dave and Britt's band (now rather limited in number) of merry (not so merry anymore) men (kind of mixed gender roles actually) returned from collecting firewood. Dave: "Where did those two bugger off to?" Septimus: "Well, you know, Britt and that Imperator have always had a bit of a thing going on?" Dave: "You said that about him and Nyneve a moment ago." Septimus: "What can I say? Britt's greatest weakness is his love for the fairer sex." Dave: "Or maybe that's your weakness and you're living vicariously through your friend?" Dave leant over and kissed Septimus. Beard and all. Septimus stared into the middle distance, having managed to lose himself suddenly somewhere in the depths of his own mind.' ---------- Britt and Cathia Imperator gaze around at the mysterious underground world of Doughnutdelf. The smells of baked goods caused Britt's stomach to rumble and growl like a snoring lion. '''Taliesin: "Seems you're hungry, why don't you try some of our famous wares?" Without asking for it, one of the pastry wizards of doughnutdelf handed Britt a baguette which Britt ate gleefully. He holds his hands out, OliverOliver Twist article, Wikipedia.''-style, pleading for more. The next pastry wizard handed him a large croissant which he also ate with glee and continued to hold his hands out. Taliesin raised a surprised eyebrow as Britt then ate several jam tarts, pies, quiches, cream puffs, biscuits, cookies, waffles, eclairs and scones. Finally a master pastry wizard approached with the greatest of all wares in Doughnutdelf - the doughnut itself.'' Britt jammed the doughnut into his mouth.' '''Taliesin: "Good?" Britt spat it out and wiped his mouth with a deep cringe. Britt: "That was terrible!!" All of the pastry wizards in Doughnutdelf, even to the highest pointsabove, all stared at Britt and gasped with shock and horror. Britt: "Uh... something I said?" Taliesin: '''"My my. Truly you are not blessed in the art of doughnuts..." '''Britt: "And that's a bad thing?" Taliesin: "Just surprising." Cathia Imperator: "Why did you bring us here, Taliesin?" Taliesin: "You were sitting out in the cold." Cathia Imperator: "..." Taliesin: "Why does everything always have to happen for a reason in this Story?" Britt: "Story?" Taliesin: "You'll work that one out for yourself one day, Britticus. For now, follow me." Britt and Cathia Imperator do as told and follow Taliesin through the streets of Doughnutdelf, up spiralling stairwells and through huts that Britt was sure were made of the same pastry he'd just stuffed in his face. As they reached one of the higher tiers he was able to look out and down at the underground city, seeing the underground river that even ran through it. The water was distinctly brown coloured. Britt: "I can see why you guys like it here. Except for the poop-filled water." Voice: "My boy, that is the most sacred nectar of the entire NeSiverse..." Britt: "Oh?" Britt looked up to see a man wearing very foreign and unusual clothes that Britt recognised from markets in Rome. Made of fine silk and bright colours, the man wearing them was distinctly Asian. Jade Emperor: "That is tea." ---------- Dave: "Septimus?" Dave: "..." Dave: "Septimus!" Septimus snapped out of his safe-place. Septimus:' "Hullo."' Dave: "Why don't you come and lie with me?" Septimus shuffled nervously over to his wife and lay down beside her.' '''Dave: "Shall we make love tonight?" Septimus instantly fell back into his safe-place as a reflex mechanism. --------- Jade Emperor: "I have come far to meet with you, Britticus." Britt: "You have? How'd you know I'd be here?" Jade Emperor: "I can sense the tea within you." Britt: "I didn't drink any..." Jade Emperor: "It is still there. Within your veins." Britt: "Pretty sure I bleed blood like everyone else..." Jade Emperor: "Those are your blood veins. I mean your tea veins." Britt: "You're saying I have extra veins?" Jade Emperor: "That's right." Britt: "That have tea in them?" Jade Emperor: "Correct." Britt: "Are you guys smoking opium down here?" Jade Emperor: "The only high I get is from tea." Britt: "Pretty sure you can put drugs in tea. Who are you anyway?" Jade Emperor: "Officially I am the Jade Emperor of China. When I was a mere human I was known as Emperor Pi." Britt: "So now you're not even human? What are you then?" Jade Emperor: "Potential." Britt: "That... didn't help to explain anything at all." Jade Emperor: "Then perhaps you are asking the wrong questions?" Britt: "Don't give me that mystic Chinese wankery." Jade Emperor: "Speak to the tea within." Britt: "I think it's time to go now, Cathia." Britt turned around to see Cathia Imperator sipping tea and eating doughnuts at a small, dainty table with Taliesin. For a moment she looked just like her great-descendent Iriana Emp. Britt: "Whoever that is." Jade Emperor: "Whoever who is?" Britt: "Uh... no idea, just heard a voice in my head." Jade Emperor: "Probably shouldn't admit that too freely." Britt rubbed his tired face. Britt: "Okay, okay. I've made a fool of myself plenty as of late. Might as well try this too." Jade Emperor nodded with satisfaction. Britt cleared his throat.' '''Britt: "Oh tea! Tell me... stuff! Come to me tea!" Everyone stared at him like he was a crazy person. Jade Emperor: "I didn't mean speak to the tea out loud. I meant within in..." Britt: "Could have said that." Jade Emperor: "I rather thought it self-evident. Only crazy people talk aloud to themselves." After Britt facepalmed, he focused his mind on himself and his supposed inner tea. As he's focusing and thinking about it he does begin to sense something. Something wonderful in taste and texture. He realised a piece of biscuit was still lodged in his teeth and he quickly cleaned it out with a flick of his tongue. He tried to focus again. This time a strange sensation enveloped him and he felt a remote connection to something. Something large and wet. He tried to manipulate it with his mind but only with minor success. He suddenly tried to mentally yank the object but was suddenly awoken by cries of shock around him. He saw Jade Emperor's satisfaction on his old wizened face as he stared down at the tea river that had just soaked many of the buildings around it. Fortunately it was cold tea, not hot.' ---------- '''Dave: "Why don't you show me your trick?" Septimus sighed. He couldn't keep away in his safe haven as long as his bearded wife kept dragging him back to reality. His trick, however, was much more preferable than the alternative "trick" she wanted. Septimus pulled out a pencil and began to draw in the air. As he drew, golden lines appeared in the air. When he finished he had drawn a flower. The golden lines exploded in a dazzle of light and the flower, now made real, fell into Septimus' open hand. He gave the flower to Dave, who squealed and giggled.' '''Dave: "You never told me where you got this power, dear husband." Septimus: "My mother." Dave: "Did she teach you?" Septimus: "She's the goddess Minerva, god of arts and crafts or something like that." Dave: '''"That sounds... unbelievable." '''Septimus: "I know. Britt still doesn't believe me and I haven't had the courage to prove him wrong yet. I was the pride of my family for such a long time." Dave: "What happened to them?" Septimus: "They were... killed. Doesn't matter now. That was a long time ago. But my family name lives on in me. Septimus Prime." ---------- Britt was helping to mop up the riverside after his blunder and yet '' he felt elated. He had the power to control tea! Tasseomancy was his innate, secret power that he had always had and never known. Admittedly it was weird, but it was still a special power! The Jade Emperor confirmed that only a handful of people would have such a power with each generation and he was one of the lucky few. Even Jade Emperor himself could only wield the power of drink through drinking it, he could not control nor manipulate this precious substance.'' Cathia Imperator: "Are you done?" Britt: "Just about." Cathia Imperator: "Well, I discovered a love for drinking tea. I'm going to start a whole tea plantation when I conquer Armenia! I'll make a whole brand of tea that'll be known for generations to come! Mark my words, Britt! Tea will be the weapon with which I conquer the world!" Britt: "All you need now is an evil cackle." Voice: "Heroes!" Cathia Imperator and Britt continue to talk. Voice: "Heroes!!" Still no response. Voice:' "You two!!"' Britt:' "Oh, he really is'' talking to us."' Cathia Imperator:' "Heroes? Seriously?"' '''Britt:' "And what's with the weird strangers today? I think I've had my fill." Voice: "I am unimportant. I'm just a random member of the Cult of X." Britt: "Cult of X?" Voice: "That's right. You must come and meet our leader." Britt: "Sounds ominous." Voice: "Oh, it is! But it's fun! C'mon!" Britt: "...okay!" Cathia Imperator: "Your stupidity knows no bounds." Britt: "I know it's pretty dodgy, but he said it'll be fun! Besides, if you think it's such a bad idea, why're you coming?" Cathia Imperator: "Someone has to watch your stupid arse." Britt: '''"You want to watch my arse!?" '''Cathia Imperator: "Consider me unamused." Britt: "I wonder if I could manipulate that tea you've been drinking..." Cathia Imperator: "You wouldn't live long to regret it." Voice: "We're here." They had arrived at a large shrine near the centre of Doughnutdelf. Standing outside the door to the building were shady cult-like folks with big hoods. Cathia Imperator: "You have your secret cult headquarters in the middle of Doughnutdelf?" Voice: "Who said it was a secret? Here in a cavern full of wizards and pastry, cults are a very common thing. Just next door are the technowitches, and across the street is the Cult of O." Cathia Imperator: '''"Cult of O?" '''Voice: "His name's unpronounceable, so we just say O. Anyway, you should go inside." Britt shrugged and went inside, followed by his friend Cathia. Inside was dark with just a few magical flames to illuminate the path to a large white, curved seat in the centre of an otherwise darkened room. Around the seat were people bowing and praying, while in the seat is a hooded woman with long blonde hair that fell down to her knees when she stood up. Slowly she approached the two "heroes".' '''Britt: "Hi there I'm Britt and this is Cathia." Cathia Imperator: "Imperator." The mysterious woman threw back her hood to reveal a very sweet face and big, curious eyes. She grinned like a Cheshire CatCheshire Cat article, Wikipedia.'' and moved in on Cathia Imperator first, kissing the taller woman first on her left cheek and then on the right.'' Woman: "It's so nice to finally meet you, Imperator! I have to say, you're rockin' that leather outfit! I bet the boys love staring at your bottom in those tight, tight pants!" Cathia Imperator, for the first time in her entire life, blushed with a mixture of embarrassment and utter confusion. Woman: "Britt!!" She moved in to kiss Britt, first on his left cheek and then onto the right, missing his cheek slightly--'' '''Woman:' "Oops! Caught your lips a bit there! Wow, that was an exciting clash! How clumsy of me!" Cathia Imperator: "Yeah right..." Woman: "Hey, I'm in one of those boring virgin-for-life gigs. I take what I can get!" Cathia Imperator: "Who are you and how do you know us?" Britt: "You know, I think lots of people seem to know who we are..." Woman: "Well, that would be Plot! We're all Characters in a grand Plot that's a build-up to a much greater Plot to come!" Britt and Cathia blink several times before they turn to leave. Woman: "Whoa, whoa! Come on, now!" She skirted around them to bar their exit. Woman: "I'm Aetas X, seer of the Cult of X. We we're the guardians of X." Cathia Imperator: "What's X and what does it have to do with us?" Aetas X grinned her Cheshire Cat grin. Arkng Thand: "Cult of X... that's a group I haven't heard from in a long time..." References External References Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post